|first set of responses
||[Feb. 10th, 2003|11:00 am]
1. blue... no, green AAAAH!
Actually, as colors go, I'm a big fan of indigo blues, somewhere between #330099 and #003399. Euphemistically, though, I love pink.
2a. Poly. I've pretty much always been non-monogamous. Around the time I lost my virginity I was seeing two different women, and I swore to myself that the first one who became jealous of the situation would be the first one I broke up with. The woman I lost my virginity to became jealous, and asked me to break up with the other. I agreed, and shortly afterward she broke up with me as well. Doh. I eventually would up in and out of a relationship with the other woman over the next few years, who was enamored of the concept CSBF (casual sex between friends) and I think a lot of her ideas about sex have always stuck with me.
Some time later, i met a really interesting person who I thought I wanted to marry. She was a few years younger age wise, and I had just had my first experiences with men, and although we started out tentatively monogamous I think we were both into the idea of being with other people. I was also very political in a fledgeling way and insisted that monogamous marriage was a bad thing(tm). We were each involved with a number of people and in a group-sex sex-party type scene. I eventually met lapis_lazuli on a bi discussion list, and had many late night chats with her, and eventually the three of us became romantically entangled. I was certain that it was forever.
Things between my former girlfriend and I didn't work out, though, and she became increasingly detached from me, for reasons which become clear in the second part of this question. She broke up with us, and eventually LL and I decided to be married. I converted to Judaism, we were married in a synagogue in a formal, traditional service, and her girlfriend at the time was our maid of honor. we've been involved with other people on and off over the years and have always been at least a little non-monogamous. For us, it was never an active choice- it was just an acknowledgement of the fact that neither of us had any particular inclination to be sexual with just each other forever.
2b. BDSM. the people I've been sexual with over the course of my life were never "typical" people. The idea of a fetish being a good thing probably arose from the woman who introduced me to CSBF, as she had a "big penis" fetish even though she really didn't like penetration, and that worked out really well on both accounts for me, because I liked playing mind games so much that she would come with us just talking in the hallway, not touching, and I was well endowed enough for her. I think the talk and mental control thing added into the fact that when I later took up with the girl I thought I would marry, she had a big spanking fetish and was what some might call a "bottomless" sub. She kept a sex diary with me, and I enjoyed stretching all sorts of limits with her. There's very little I haven't done. Problems arose, though, when I started to become concerned at her lack of self esteem and forcefully began to try to help her find a better place for herself. There were huge problems separating the play activity from the real life stuff. Communication problems. Things got really bad, really slowly, and the strain of living together as a triad I think finally caused things to snap.
I'm very comfortable as a dominant/top. I've come to terms with some of the bad things(tm) that happened. I don't really play as much anymore though. I've learned a lot about myself through the language and practice of BDSM, but I can't as much say I've ever been big into the scene. Maybe I've just never had the right opportunities yet. I see myself as completely open to pleasure, and ways to achieve pleasure in others, though, so who knows.
3. enthusiastic pervert. I think that the idea of a pervert is someone who defies sexual norms. Yes, I'll admit that it has a bad connotation, and to embrace such a bad connotation enthusiastically seems to go against my otherwise sex-positive attitude. I'm not reclaiming the word, I'm not trying to co-opt social norms. I just love the word, pervert. "thoroughly turned" in latin. It's like a defiance, to say that I shouldn't be enjoying sex, and yet, I defy such an attitude and I enjoy it. I'm willing to try anything on the premise that it could be fun. I probably have limits- I respect the fact that what is my kink might not be shared, and I'm always looking for enthusiastic co-participants. I like people who aren't afraid to give it a whirl. I think that's really subversive, though- I think by thirty you're supposed to know what you want and stick to it. Fall into the formula. But formula sex tends to be difficult for me, as enjoyable as it may be.
My kinks? I like group sex, experimental sex. I like cum. I like nipples. I like exhibitionism. I like responsive partners. I like tying people up. I like porn. All in all, not very "perverted". but it's not about the act that makes something truly perverted. In a world where everyone is having sex, celibacy could be a very perverted sexual act. That's not to say I'd enjoy celibacy! Its about thoroughly turning. It's about not seeing your partners playing, and yet being able to tell who's being aroused just by their smell. it's about bringing yourself to orgasm again and again and again despite the fact that you're a man and are only supposed to have one orgasm/ejaculation at a time. it's about sucking another man's come out of a woman. Any act, in and of itself, isn't kinky. Any act can become completely normal. But if you've never done it, and you do it, and discover you like it, or better yet do it until you find a way you like it, then it's been thoroughly turned. You're a pervert. I'm not willing to say no just because I might not like something. I'm willing to not have sex with someone to the point of orgasm, even- I've done it.
Alrighty then! Any more? The lines are still open. Tell me a secret, share a fantasy, ask me something revealing. Feel free to post anonymously, and I promise to keep all responses to these posts screened and just between you and me, unless you say otherwise. update- screening disabled except for anonymous posts